Making Exceptions

I was sitting down with one of my close high school friends recently, sharing with her about my research project. She mentioned how most people make exceptions when it comes to social relationships. We may dislike entire ethnic groups, but then we single out one person whom we crown as our friend. That one person does not embody the vices that we point out in other people from the said-ethnic group. Instead, we invite him or her into our inner circle, and they become the exception.

Naturally, I know that we can’t make friends with everyone. Each one of us “makes exceptions” based on our values or goals. And even though we uphold a constitution and a shared human ethos that abhors discrimination on a set criteria (depending of course on your geographical location), we still inadvertently (or even deliberately) decide on the people with whom we form tight bonds.

Kenyan society, due to its foundation on ethnic bonds, has grown into one that makes exceptions largely, I believe, because of patronage. Patronage, in the sense that individuals expect to receive favoritism from the big-man in their ethnic group. On a smaller scale, this could translate to receiving favors when you are deemed as mtu wetu, one of our own. This belonging suddenly allows us access from small circles of friendship, to political parties, to business deals, to bonds that stretch entire lifetimes. One of my advisors asked me once to consider the prospect that patronage may indeed be good, for example, when it doesn’t cause discord in a society and allows each one to have access to the national treasure. In such a scenario, I suppose, making exceptions along ethnic lines becomes vital to ensuring that resources are distributed fairly.

In an intimate relationship like friendship, does this scenario also come to play? What do you think about “making exceptions”? Does it feature in your everyday life?